Do you secretly think
marketing is awful?
Well, you’re right. And you’re not alone.
It’s time to stop listening to conventional (read: patriarchal, nonconsensual, misogynist) marketing experts and start remaking this online marketing culture into one that’s kind, honest, and dare we say… fun.
JOIN THE LIVE (2-HOUR) WORKSHOP WITH
MARIA JACOBSEN-HOLMES & SAMANTHA POLLACK
JOIN US FOR
The Cure For The Common Marketing
Why conventional marketing sucks & what to do instead!
SEPTEMBER 27TH, 2023
1:00 PM EDT / 6:00 PM GMT
$250 USD
Here's what we'll cover:
A Brand-New Marketing Framework
Starting over from scratch sounds hard! But it’s really not—when your marketing strategy lines up with your values and beliefs, it feels stupidly easy. Our five-step framework just makes it look more official. 😉
In-Depth (but still funny) Feminist Analysis
Why so many brilliant, neurodivergent business owners have such a hard time with their marketing efforts, what integrity has to do with it (a lot), and how and why marketing got so f’d up in the first place.
Icons, Idols, Gurus, and Mentors
It’s hard to divest from the big, established names & their impressive results. We’ll introduce you to some new voices and companies to pay attention to. 🙂
Your *new, improved* 2023 Marketing Plan
You’ll leave the workshop with the bones of a marketing plan for 2023—that you actually feel excited about!
This is for you if...
You’re tired of hearing about countdown timers, false scarcity, and inflated revenue claims. You’re ready to move on from what NOT to do (and why bro marketing sucks) and start focusing on what TO do.
You are a service provider, practitioner, consultant, coach, or creative whose work requires you to be on your game. You don’t really have the time or desire to make TikToks or create content 24/7.
You are neurodivergent (diagnosed or not), highly sensitive, or otherwise odd and have never quite felt like you fit in with the expectations and culture of online business & marketing. Hi! You’ve just found your people. 😉
You are brilliant at what you do, and want to become more known and sought-after, but you have weird feelings about visibility.
Bro marketing has really gotten a bad rap lately.
And we’re not here to tell you any different—it truly does suck. Hey-yo!
But as with anything that enters the mainstream, the term “bro marketing” has become shorthand for Lambo’s, Eiffel Tower selfies, and douchey white dudes with dumb hair.
Y’know—literal bros
In other words, marketers who want to differentiate themselves from the “bros” are lambasting the PERSON, and not the PRACTICES—when the practices are what’s really causing harm.
We’ve seen plenty a sales page ‘dis the bros and then go on to use social triggers, inflated value stacks, or Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP).
SAYING you're not a bro marketer, “empowering” women, making eye-rolly jokes about Lambo’s…
That’s just the outermost layer of the marketing onion we’re about to peel back.
The problem is, the onion is rotten. We need a different fruit altogether.
(Traditional marketing smells *just like* a rotten onion. It’s a scientific fact.)
The only reason so many well-meaning business owners are still engaging in unethical marketing practices is that they don’t know what to do INSTEAD.
That, and the false narrative that kindness and honesty don’t make sales. (They can, and they do.)
Calling out harmful, exploitive marketing tactics is the easy part.
But rebuilding your entire marketing philosophy from scratch?
Not so easy.
If you want to be seen, known, and sought-after, you’re gonna need to market yourself. But you *don’t* have to do anything that makes you smell like a rotten onion.
Join us.
In this live 2-hour workshop, Feminist Psychologist & Researcher Maria Jacobson-Holmes and Samantha Pollack, a Creative Director & Humanist Copywriter, will strip away all the countdown timers, pain points, and persuasive tactics, and look at marketing through a whole new lens.
We’re going to dig into why so many creative, talented, brilliant business owners feel so ambivalent about their marketing efforts, why it’s so easy to dismiss those misgivings and forge ahead anyway—and what would happen if we stopped doing that.
Here's what we'll cover...
Self betrayal—it’s a thing.
What happens when you say yes to things you know you should say no to? When you talk yourself out of listening to that weird little feeling in your gut that this isn’t right?
This is why we can’t have nice things.
A brief history of the use of psychology in marketing, and how what could have been the beginning of a beautiful friendship turned into a supervillain origin story.
Throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
(No babies were harmed in the creation of this workshop.)
We’re going to burn it ALL down—all the persuasive tactics, trickster strategies, and manipulative language—and show you how to start your entire marketing situation over from scratch.
Hint: it starts with identifying your North Star, a.k.a. why you even have this business in the first place.
Marketing, but make it awesome.
Once you’ve identified your values & guiding principle, you get to build out a marketing plan you’re actually EXCITED to get into.
NOICE! A very professional framework created by two neurodivergent weirdos.
Yes, we are actually quite skilled and experienced at marketing without being gross! We even made a legit framework for you to follow, starting with your North Star and ending with execution & iteration.
Speaking of which…
It’s time to rethink what it means to be “professional.”
If you take one thing away from this workshop, it’s to stop engaging with any person, institution, or philosophy that requires you to act like someone you’re not. Authenticity can’t be faked.
The *real* cool kids club.
There are plenty of online business owners out here doing great work and marketing with integrity! We’ll introduce you to some of our faves.
JOIN US FOR
The Cure For The Common Marketing
Why conventional marketing sucks & what to do instead!
SEPTEMBER 27, 2023
1:00 PM EDT / 6:00 PM GMT
$250 USD
What's Included:
Live, 2-hour workshop (with breaks because Maria has a bébé)
Accompanying workbook to take notes & work out your marketing baggage in real time 😉
The NOICE! Framework for creating a brand-new marketing plan
Access to the Resource Hub: Books to read, podcasts to binge, marketers & writers to follow, and more
Probably some rogue appearances by random cats and/or babies
You’ll also get:
- The Feminist Sales Page: A fill-in-the-blanks template you can use to write your next sales page without accidentally stepping in it, including real-life examples
- The Red Flags Roundup: 7 warning signs to watch out for when you’re considering purchasing from someone
- Sample Marketing Calendar: Our real marketing plans for 2023, based on the NOICE! Framework
- The Cure For the Common Marketing Referral Directory: We want you to connect with each other! You’ll be invited to share your contact deets and a short bio so you can continue building relationships after the workshop is over. 🙂
- Full workshop replay: Yours 4eva!
Meet the weirdos in charge...
Samantha Pollack
Humanist Copywriter & Creative Director
Samantha Pollack is a Creative Director & Humanist Copywriter who creates powerful brand identities and compelling marketing copy for founders, visionaries, service providers, and activists.
Sam is known for her ability to "become" her client—burning away all the clutter and noise until the voice, vision, and values are unmistakably, inimitably yours.
Sam’s clients include high-profile thought leaders, ethical clothing companies, intersectional therapists, and the company that makes those RBG action figures. She even developed the creative direction, messaging, and sitewide copy for an inclusive athleisure company that ended up on Oprah’s Favorite Things(!).
Maria Jacobsen-Holmes
Feminist Psychologist
Maria Jacobsen-Holmes is a published success researcher & coach who has built her career studying the limitations that prevent people from expressing their true potential.
She specializes in the psychology of female success and works with creative, driven women to help them take action on their most important goals.
All your questions, answered:
Is this secretly a pitch for some high-ticket program?
Nope! This is something we’ve been working on since last spring, and we are really quite fond of it. In fact, we already have plans to host this workshop a few more times in 2023. We’ll be letting you know how to stay in touch in case you want to work with either of us privately, but it’ll all be very chill.
Will there be a recording if I can’t make it?
All registrants will receive a recording of the workshop if you can’t make it. We’re building this from two different countries, so we know time zones might be an issue for some of you.
Is there an installment plan?
Not this time, no.